Thursday, December 26, 2013


Oh, It's christmas. NONONO! OH, was christmas!

Christmas just ended like that and today is "BOXING DAY"!! So fast, it going to be a brand new year after few days more. Year 2014. *not excited at all* =.=  Before this I smile and laugh everyday. But people around me makes me not like that anymore. I am a person who can happy until jumping up and down  just because of a small little thing. Making me happy isn't hard.

What i was thinking is all this while, few years time. The people who you see everyday and the people who you talk to everyday never ever treat you as their friend. This is sad. What i have done, what i treat them, they don't appreciate. They don't even care about my feeling, they just care about them self. That's hurt. Who i been facing everyday is not my friend, not my classmates, not even a stranger. Cause they see me like a prisoner.

I dunno what relationship we are, can you tell me please? I am confused. I am curious. I wanna know.

I remember few that makes me sad and cried.
-"you have many friends out there, you don't need us."
-"we din't ask you to do for us, your self who want to do it wut!"
-"i never invite you because i don't want my friend unhappy because of your appearance."
-"yea! why? we are going to a party that you're not invited to!"

****please think if you are in my situation, what do you feel.

Since the day when i was born, people throw me a side.
In these 25 years time, same thing happen again and again.
I always think i will be alright or i am okay with it, but actually not.

But anyway, there will be always someone who will pick me up and let me continue to another stage of my life. Thank you!

Thank you those who always makes me cry; it makes me understand life isn't beautiful.

Thank you to those who treat me so bad;  it makes me realize human are the scariest animal on earth.

Thank you to those who always put me into a bad situation; it makes me stronger and tougher.

Thank you those who set me up and make problem on me; it makes me experience what people true face under the mask.

Thank you those who always push me down; it makes me never stop from chasing what i want.

Thank you!!

I know god must have a reason why giving you so many problem and letting you facing so many difficult things. I am pretty sure god have the reason.

Thank you to my family, parents, sisters, brothers, friends, relatives, all who supports me when ever i need support. Thank you so much. Appreciated!


Friday, December 6, 2013


Its doesn't seems happy.

I am coming soon LONDON!

BIG Thank you to MADAM.
Thank you to all my FRIENDS...

"will blog about this in the next blog............................."

After the competition, i saw more than i expected. i heard more than i expected. Felt a bit disappointed but anyway, EXPECTED! Still will feel sad even though i knew it will happened. My problem? or really just not many people can accept me? If ask myself, honestly i think i am good enough to become a friend. Serious! i am not kidding. But why? 

3 weeks! 
3 weeks i never back to school already. I fly to Singapore on that day after my competition. Went to Singapore one week. Met many friends over there, so happy. After Singapore, i back to school. Can tell everytime when i back to school, i don't feel happy. After the week i fall sick. Cough until asma and serious flu on me T.T *cries*

And now the 4th week. The awkward "friend" leave school already and now i feel more comfortable. There's always a transparent jacket on me and makes me invisible. Even still, i am always the left out one. Can see none of them were happy to see me win the competition except the other group of them. But honestly, i am scared to know i am the winner. i am scared that what in my mind will happen after that. Cause the original situation already worst and now i think will be even worst. 

What makes me blog again. Although i am strong enough, i am still weak. I am weak on control my own feeling but can't help, its my real feeling straight from my heart. On that day, i cried. NONONO, should say, i tears.... haha I cried on the bus when i am going to the school. Tears drop.... None of them congrats me in facebook. None of them like my photo. I just REALIZED, none of them follow my instagram!! sad right ? my tears just can't control and luckily i am wearing sunglasses and no one beside me =D

I was sick, and i purposely went to kl by bus to just to pass you the gift before you leave. Doesn't you feel happy to recieve kind of things? I don't even dare to meet you. I just leave it there and ask you to collect. I did farewell to her but she has no respond. Not even a thank you. i knew i won't be seeing you anymore so i gave you such a farewell gift. But ...... aihhh... just forget about it. 

Its all about my school life. My school life doesn't seem happy anyway. i feel lonely because whenever i feel sad i can't find one to talk about. My dairy or blogspot will be my best friend when i feel sad. 

"you are stronger than what you believe"
i hope i can be stronger and tougher