OH, CHRISTMAS!

Oh, It's christmas. NONONO! OH, was christmas!

Christmas just ended like that and today is "BOXING DAY"!! So fast, it going to be a brand new year after few days more. Year 2014. *not excited at all* =.=  Before this I smile and laugh everyday. But people around me makes me not like that anymore. I am a person who can happy until jumping up and down  just because of a small little thing. Making me happy isn't hard.

What i was thinking is all this while, few years time. The people who you see everyday and the people who you talk to everyday never ever treat you as their friend. This is sad. What i have done, what i treat them, they don't appreciate. They don't even care about my feeling, they just care about them self. That's hurt. Who i been facing everyday is not my friend, not my classmates, not even a stranger. Cause they see me like a prisoner.

I dunno what relationship we are, can you tell me please? I am confused. I am curious. I wanna know.

I remember few that makes me sad and cried.
-"you have many friends out there, you don't need us."
-"we din't ask you to do for us, your self who want to do it wut!"
-"i never invite you because i don't want my friend unhappy because of your appearance."
-"yea! why? we are going to a party that you're not invited to!"

****please think if you are in my situation, what do you feel.

Since the day when i was born, people throw me a side.
In these 25 years time, same thing happen again and again.
I always think i will be alright or i am okay with it, but actually not.

But anyway, there will be always someone who will pick me up and let me continue to another stage of my life. Thank you!

Thank you those who always makes me cry; it makes me understand life isn't beautiful.

Thank you to those who treat me so bad;  it makes me realize human are the scariest animal on earth.

Thank you to those who always put me into a bad situation; it makes me stronger and tougher.

Thank you those who set me up and make problem on me; it makes me experience what people true face under the mask.

Thank you those who always push me down; it makes me never stop from chasing what i want.

Thank you!!

I know god must have a reason why giving you so many problem and letting you facing so many difficult things. I am pretty sure god have the reason.

Thank you to my family, parents, sisters, brothers, friends, relatives, all who supports me when ever i need support. Thank you so much. Appreciated!

*merrychristmasandhappynewyear*

THE TRANSPARENT JACKET THAT MAKES ME INVISIBLE

Its doesn't seems happy.

anyway

but

yes, EXCITEDyetSCARED!

YA- LONDON- YESH- LONDON

I am coming soon LONDON!

BIG Thank you to MADAM.

Thank you to all my FRIENDS...

"will blog about this in the next blog............................."

After the competition, i saw more than i expected. i heard more than i expected. Felt a bit disappointed but anyway, EXPECTED! Still will feel sad even though i knew it will happened. My problem? or really just not many people can accept me? If ask myself, honestly i think i am good enough to become a friend. Serious! i am not kidding. But why? 

3 weeks! 

3 weeks i never back to school already. I fly to Singapore on that day after my competition. Went to Singapore one week. Met many friends over there, so happy. After Singapore, i back to school. Can tell everytime when i back to school, i don't feel happy. After the week i fall sick. Cough until asma and serious flu on me T.T *cries*

And now the 4th week. The awkward "friend" leave school already and now i feel more comfortable. There's always a transparent jacket on me and makes me invisible. Even still, i am always the left out one. Can see none of them were happy to see me win the competition except the other group of them. But honestly, i am scared to know i am the winner. i am scared that what in my mind will happen after that. Cause the original situation already worst and now i think will be even worst. 

What makes me blog again. Although i am strong enough, i am still weak. I am weak on control my own feeling but can't help, its my real feeling straight from my heart. On that day, i cried. NONONO, should say, i tears.... haha I cried on the bus when i am going to the school. Tears drop.... None of them congrats me in facebook. None of them like my photo. I just REALIZED, none of them follow my instagram!! sad right ? my tears just can't control and luckily i am wearing sunglasses and no one beside me =D

I was sick, and i purposely went to kl by bus to just to pass you the gift before you leave. Doesn't you feel happy to recieve kind of things? I don't even dare to meet you. I just leave it there and ask you to collect. I did farewell to her but she has no respond. Not even a thank you. i knew i won't be seeing you anymore so i gave you such a farewell gift. But ...... aihhh... just forget about it. 

Its all about my school life. My school life doesn't seem happy anyway. i feel lonely because whenever i feel sad i can't find one to talk about. My dairy or blogspot will be my best friend when i feel sad. 

"you are stronger than what you believe"

i hope i can be stronger and tougher

*thetransparentjacketthatmakesmeinvisible*

loveyou

STAND ALONE

Its a "big" day.... what a "surprise"!!

Went for a surgery for my neck 2 days ago. 

Since after my car accident, my neck injured. So every 2weeks fixed i will be going for check up. Do physio every week and take medicine everyday. Since October until January, my shoulder and neck still feel pain. My mum keep saying "Don't carry heavy bags to school, don't put too many things in your handbag!" But no choice, i have to take bus to KL for my class everyday. And i need to work every wednesday and thursday, do you think i can anyhow not to carry things? I need to study and at the same time i need to work for my part time job. If you think i shouldn't take heavy things, but ANYONE EVER HELP ME to carry things when i need people to help. When i come home, need to unload my stuff from my car, anyone come out and help me? When im in school, anyone ever said "come i help you to carry"? 

NEVERMIND!!

Seriously, i am already used to not to get any help from others. People who really help me i will appreciate and thank you. For me, you give me a little help then i will very appreciate already cos normally really don't have much could really help you. When i say thank you means i really appreacite =) 

I remembered, i'd been argued with my dad and my brother. I was so sad about my neck cos it keep annoying me and drag me alot of time to get done my stuff. I remembered, i have i alot of things to carry. A sewing machine, 2 rolls of paper, one bag of materials and another bag of fabric. Well when i take my stuff from the boot, my dad shouted :"faster la" then i angry already. I carried all by my self and shouted :" see i carry alot of stuff but never help me and some more shouted at me!" then i cried. I was sad because when ever my brother came back, everyone go out and help him to carry all the bag to his room. 

ME? =( 

I understand, he seldom come back and he is the one who take care the whole family. Hmmmm

*just the feeling*

*notbalance*

Okay back to the main topic. 

Last week when i went for check up, doctor wrote me a letter and asked me to do MRI for my neck. Cause its already few months and after med and physio my neck still cant get better. After MRI will be clearer what cause my neck still pain.

What is MRI? This is what i did.

There is 2 types, and u can see the different from the picture. 

 

And i did the MRI with machine from the picture above. (the bottom one) 

I drove to hospital alone early in the morning, time 645am. Reported my self to the nurse and clothed on with what patient need to wear and wait for the MRI. After served me the breakfast, i slept alone in the room from 8am to 12pm. In the end, nurse came in and told me "be ready, we are going to do MRI soon"

After 10 to 15 mins, nurse brought me to the MRI room. I wait outside for around 15 mins and its damn cold and imagine im wearing a thin fabric and without inner wear. 

It takes around 15 mins to 20 mins on that table. Lying on the table and there's like a cage to lock my head in right position. Few lock on my body to avoid my body moving while the MRI is running. 

Went back to my room and wait for the report. The report have to wait about 2 or 3 hours for them to analyse. When dinner time, my parents came to visit me and doctor came in and said,

: " Your daughter need to do operation for her neck." 

: " Do laser to burn the disc from her neck bone" 

: " I will inject the thing from right side of your neck, and find the correct position, then i use laser to burn the disc" "Very fast one, its takes around 1 or 2 hours." 

Then my sister asked :" Will it be any after effect after the operation?"

He said maybe my voice will change a abit different because he go in from my neck through my throat. I was a bit worried but i still need to do it right? Cause the pain is really so annoying. My parents is worried and my sister too. And they decided to let me do this surgery so I HAVE TO STAY IN HOSPITAL!  I taught i can  go home after the MRI scan. But.............. no choice staying in hospital and wait for the operation tomorrow.

First time go to hospital alone.

First time stay in the hospital alone. 

hmmmmm...... well, its not scary. I sleep alone in a single bed room for few nights i think its quite comfortable. Not scary at all!

ok, i need to rest now, blog will be continue by tomorrow. 

=) 

"missrobotiamnow"

NEITHER

How do you think? 

What do you think? 

Do you think okay?

Any comment?

Saw some things today, and its just not long ago. So, do you think i should believe you? nonono, i should say this way. Do you think i should give you a chance? Hahaha....... =.=

Hmm.... just see what will happen next and please don't ever let me feel uncomfortable *thanks*. The important things is no lies behind, if yes then just bye =) Thinking there is just not long ago but so fast !! Hmm .. Is this showing that you are what kind of person? But of cause depends on what then only can comment a person. Anyway, just let it be. The god will help me to choose the correct one =)

So many things to do this week, almost die. 2 dresses to alter, one competition (diesel), fashion show and my partime job. This week is really really killing me. *killing me softly, killing me softly......... (songplaying)* Everyoen is getting marry this year, its a happy year for me. Seeing my friend get into a relationship, feel happy for her and he loves her so much. =D At the same time, my mind was asking " when i can see my 3 other friends to get a partner?" Anyways, we are always together dela~ xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxx

Thank you for today! Rest well and rest more.
Goodnight!

*percypigbuttercookies*

OH!!

Oh this is a bit different. Whats in my mind leh? Lets time make me clearer =)


After the few months, now finally i feel free. More relax now but i don't know whether i feel stressed or what, my gastric back to me again. Quite serious this time, pain for 2days already and i can't eat much. Some more gastric wind make me feel like vomit. can't stand properly because very pain. *cry*

Btw, recently got the group chat with all my seafood family members. Feel so happy can get all the updates from them although we all are not together. Some of them in Melbourne and some of them in KL and some of them in Seremban. Everyday when wake up, the first thing to do is read in whatsapp.

Good news!! School ever one week holiday, tomorrow no need to go to school. Happy that i no need to wake up early and take bus to KL. =D Will stay in the house and finish my work but !! BUT!! wednesday and thursday also need to work. *sigh*


Hope there is a bright way for me ya!

*hellopanda*

FASHION STUDENT'S LIFE

These days i used to stay in the school and rush for my stuff. It been already a week. Everyday sleep at 4am 0r 5am in the morning and wake up at 9am. Hmm...

FASHION STUDENT

MY LIFE

That day went out and i can even fall asleep on the table while waiting the food in the restaurant. Too tired and not enough sleep. My friend took this photo and posted in facebook. Omg, so paiseh! But anyway the photo not very ugly right? LOL

Valentine's day, the day of my presentation of my shoe competition. Drove away from Seremban to KL and attend the press conference and the judging section. Finished judging around 530pm and went for dinner with my schoolmates. Afterthat then drove back to seremban alone on the valentine's day =.= wtf!

This is my shoe. Named "In-security". Nice?

Btw, you can view all the other shoes in facebook, http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.360885503929738.92058.354894231195532&type=1

Being too stressed these day. Let me list out what i need to do and what i am doing:-

-shoe design competition presentation (14 feb)

-review of shoe creative display design competition (18 feb)

-press conference of STYLO (28 feb)

-review of STYLO food wear design (1 march)

-my own fashion show on opening day of STYLO (17 march)

-food wear show of STYLO (26 march)

-presentation of shoe creative display design (29 march)

-shoe design competition result day (29 march)

AND* I AM WORKING PARTIME EVERY THURSDAY

-company fashion show's project (5 april)

After i listed out, i feel so stress. OMG!! STRESSED!!!!

For my own fashion show, i will be doing 6 pieces in 3weeks time. hmmm, is that possible? im so scared and i feel so afraid i can't finish it on time.

PLEASE HELP ME !!

HELP ME PLEASE!!

*bunbunislyingonthetable*

BYE or HELLO?

Its a byebye or hi/hello?

Bye, chinese new year officially over and i have no holidays anymore. Have to go back to my BUSY life, sleepover in the school and sleep few hour perday. DODODODO non-stop =.= so tiring! im happy for this chinese new year. This is the year that i everyday with my family, LOVE. We went to a day trip to Genting Highland with our new car =) hehe.

I love my family, Muacks muack !

Happy outing with my friends, so called the "activities"! LOL... We went to few temples in a day and surprised, few of them are "free-thinker". We went for few fortune-telling IN-A-DAY. hahahahaha. SO FUNNY RIGHT? okay, that's what we did during the chinese new year.

And one more thing, im so so so SO surprised blossom height got a very nice temple and its just behind those houses. SURPRISED!! haha

BYE to all the happiness and the holiday i'd been this 2weeks.

So, am i going to say HELLO to the sad one? Isit going to start soon? =(

I don't want to be sad and i don't want to face all the sad case that maybe will happend on me.

So, please. PLEASE don't ever say hello to me, you "sad" one.

Just let me finish this happily and fast fast get over it. *handstogether and pray*

*i miss my penang trip*

TAKE A BREAK

Things to do : (by 5th nov)

- 2 full garments (3 pieces)

- sister's dinner wear

- mama's dinner wear

- order from eyonne (wedding stuff)

- mine own dinner wear

Stay in the school for a week, everyday sleep at 4am or 5am and wake up at 9am and continue! STRESSSSSSSSED!! 2garments have to be done by 5th nov and some more my sister's dress and mama's dress, OMG, these makes me so sick. everyday was just thinking " can i finish all in one week?" Been stressed up for whole week but luckily i got friends too which is rushing order sleep over in the school with me, and we called it " honeymoon 5 days 4 nights in SML " ! this

"honeymoon" really priceless! There's many funny things happened in this week. This is most memorable and unforgettable.And I also make sandwiches and cook in SML, so fun!!

Before the week i sleep over in the school, i went to singapore to visit my sisters and friends. This trip is so exciting! Last minute renew passport then straight away off to singapore.

Finally i'd visit H&M!! YEAH !!

So many nice clothes and its 3floors. Loves the accessories and its CHEAP! this is the point, wahahha! but this season not very suit us cos winter collection all winter clothes and jacket,

scarf...... hmmmm, I just bought a black long sleeve fit dress and a red colour hair accessories. Other than that i'd shopping at bugis and orchard, quite a lot of stuff i'd bought.

i meet with hayden, jeewei, hwalik and doris! miss them sooo much !! went dinner and shopping with them. =) *happydela* *hughug*

My sister, ah bee brought me to bai bai and the temple is very very nice! Now only i know singapore's temple so nice interior. Been driving almost 30mins to get reached. Its quite far doh!

Beside that i meet with my friend too, and he captured me with his camera and i do like it, Thanks ya, amoi! XD

Finished 3days 4 nights in singapore, followed my brother car go back to seremban to attend my little baby twins cousins birthday party. Carry my bag pack and 2 big of paper bag, take train to my brother office. That day was really frustrated. Firstime to get there and not familiar, took the wrong turn and i was carrying so many things, so damn heavy! really alsmot cry. Walk down the overhead bridge to cross the road and my paper bag handle broke and my stuff all drop on the stairs. T.T luckily got a person passby help me. haihhhhh~

So how the happy trip comes to the end....

*phheeew~~*

NEW"

Another new thing came to me again. Shoe design competition!! my first time to enter a shoe design competition and my first time of drawing shoe pattern. Its a new challenge to me. Although i felt abit not confident cause i know nothing about shoes, but i'd tried my best on this competition. So i hope i can get good result or get some new experience.

Do you want to see my design?

here it is ..

"IN-SECURITY"

"its inspired from a way of an adopted girl who feels insecured. she have always been scared of public humiliation and rejection.the focal point of the design is the head part of the shoes. its like a hand grasping your feet to give the feeling of security. the brickwall's silhouette of the heel symbolizes self protection and strength. there's another transparent layer over it and it can be removable."

How do u think? Nice?

i 'd spent the 2days finish this design. okay, almost 2days la. from night 12am to 7am and 10am to 5pm. its really killing me!! tired, stressed and SLEEPY!! cant even open my eyes. but thanks god, finally i done my work before the due date =)

if "if", sorry!

"its been a long time"

Its really been a long time i never visit my own blog or neither others friend's blog since from last year september. I was wondering whats i had pass during this period. Of course its alots, but sure i cant recall all the small tiny matter around me. But what i can do is, make my blog back to alive!! Welcome back to my blog if anyone reading this =)

WELCOME!!!

In this whole year, i tried many of my "first time"!! Im glad that i did that actually. I entered my ever first fashion design competition, STYLO. Represented my school SML and i got into the final, the 12 finalists.First time i got interview from the Star news paper. First time i saw my own collection on the stage. First time stay in the school with classmates from day to day and night to night. First time walk on the runway with the model who wearing piece of my collection. First time join fashion party. You know that kind of feeling... is hard to explain. I can only say, I am very very very HAPPY when i see my collection is on the runway, seriously!! Although im not the winner but im so happy, i felt that OMG!! That is my collection!! On the stage of runway!! My friends was here to support me!! OMG!!! That is my feeling.... Seriously i got to learn many things from here. I am happy that

i take part of this, i never regret! The period of my competition, i can see who is really always supporting me. Really thanks to those who ever help me on this, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! Should i post some photos here? hmmmmmm.... okay, few pictures =)

Of course not everything also very happy, sure theres some sad things. But i think i not going to story the sad things here. But from that moment i had learned alot from myself. I learned NOT to care so much of the others, to avoid myself from sadness. I learned NOT to give out so much to avoid myself from dissapointed. I learned to love myself more than the others. So i think i have better life now?!!I hope it is. But i will still improve myself to be better cause i think im not enough yet!

After the STYLO, I'd entered another competition. Its called FFKL( Fashion Festival Kuala Lumpur). This is the 2nd competition in my life. And this the another experience i went trough. Unfortunately, i didn't get any prize here also but nevermind, i got alot of things from this competition. The experience!! The experience is the "prize". Although i felt abit dissapointed in this competition, but im still glad that i got into the final(8 finalists) also. Here comes photos =)

From here i got my first time of 2days continuous never sleep and the next day i drove alone to KL for presentation of this. These is all my first time!! Fashion life is my new life, and im happy to be in it.

GAMBATEH!! ELLIE !!

♥

Nowadays i have use to being busy and pack of time. STRESS is always with me now. When stress comes over me then it brings GASTRIC to me. They both are FRIENDS but i DONT LIKE THEM!! So now everyday i travel from Seremban to KL and KL to Seremban as usual and its maintained about one year already. WOW!! *claps for ellie* =) Everyday "sleep" to KL and "sleep" back to Seremban. Its kind of used to it. Hmmmmmm.... Hope every next day will be always the better day!! I will story about more on next post, wait for me ya !!

to be continue........

HELLO PANDA

~HELLO PANDA~

very good mood in taking photos with my friends in my school :) YEAH!!

nowadays very stress with my homeworks :(
this is my designs.....

*non-stop*
design-design-design-design-design-design
develope-develope-develope
colour-colour-colour-colour
etching-etching

very tired and stress....
:(
everyday not enough sleep end up always gastric and not feeling well

after jasmi's class(design class)
jasmi: "happy lunch!!"
then we can go for lunch :D
our favorite place for lunch
-THE HUB CAFE-
yeah yeah

thats my bus tickets

thats a week already ~~
rm12 x 5 = rm60/week
rm60 x 4 = rm240/month
do cost alot right? but better than u live in KL

in the bus :)
"PAUL FRANK"
do look like paul frank right? hahahaha
so funny~~

the day before we went to sushi zanmai
i love zanmai very muchie~~
have special offer only for lowyat's sushi zanmai
50% off (selected)

beside my study life...
here my life in seremban my hometown
my buddies

this is what xinli got for her seafood family from bangkok
i already choose one, the 1st one-blue~~ ehehe
:D im the 1st one who choose
thanks li

hanging out with li, yap and plh
oldtown
my favorite place :)

* i like this pic!! heheheheh

happy when i go out with them :)
good!!

i think you wont see ellie will post emo here anymore~
i hope i wont :)

:)